Robert Zakar gives back to community

Women Are Sharing Their Experience Being Dismissed By A Medical Professional, And It's A Sad Reality For A Lot Of Us

Unfortunately, getting dismissed or not given the proper attention by a medical professional is a sad reality for many women. This thread where u/VelvetDreamers asked women, "What's your worst experience with a medical professional who dismissed you just because you're a woman?" is filled with thousands of comments from women sharing their experiences — and it's heart-wrenching. Here is what some of them shared.

Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity. 

1."My appendix ruptured when I was 12. The primary care physician sent me into the ER for appendicitis. The nurse in the ER refused to treat me 'unless I told her how I got pregnant.' I kept telling her I wasn't, my mom kept trying to get any other staff to listen and check me, but the nurse wouldn't let anyone else check me. I was in the ER for 12 hours until shift change, and then the new staff panicked and got me into surgery."

Janie Airey / Getty Images

2."This story is about my late mom. She had breast cancer and a mastectomy. No chemo because 'they got it all.' Seven years later, she complained of pain in her bones. She was referred to a PSYCHIATRIST because they thought she had 'empty nest syndrome.' She never went to the shrink and did not return to a doctor for a year, since her pain was, allegedly, not real. Turned out, she had the most common reoccurrence of breast cancer — it had metastasized to the bone. So we have a woman with a history of breast cancer complaining of pain in her bones, and they tell her it's all in her head? It's been 43 years, and I'm still not over it."

—u/justgettingby1

3."I discovered a lump in my breast while taking a shower. I was 33 and had just given birth a couple of weeks before. I, of course, went to the doctor to have it checked out. He told me not to worry, it's just a milk duct blockage that goes away while breastfeeding. The lump didn't disappear — it grew. I went back and asked for a mammogram. I was denied. I told him about the family incidences of breast cancer. He said I'm too young, it's unlikely I have breast cancer. I nodded and went to a doctor in the private sector instead. That was a woman. She immediately arranged an urgent appointment at the radiology for a mammography."

"At the mammography appointment, the picture confused the doctor enough to do a very long ultrasound of the tumor (it felt like ages) before he decided to take a sample. It came back as cancer, and post-mastectomy, it was classified as a pretty aggressive triple negative BC tumor type that's super rare.

Well, I'm not sure if it's because I'm a woman, but that was the biggest dismissal I have ever experienced. I'm glad I persisted in getting it checked, I was lucky. I've been in remission for 11 years. Oh, I also have a brca1 variant that makes my cancer hereditary. I was tested because I was so young and because breast cancer runs in my family trees from both my mom and dad."

—u/Yinara

Fg Trade / Getty Images

4."For five years I had blood in the urine and always an urgency to go. A handful of doctors just shrugged, assuming I have a vagina that bleeds urine blood. They assumed because I'm sexually active that it must be a UTI. I used birth control to skip periods, and I still had urine in the blood. They still tried to blame my period. They tried to blame UTI even when no bacteria was found. Finally, I got an ultrasound. Turns out, I've been passing kidney stones the whole time."

—u/Velocirachael

5."When I was about 12, my arm started hurting. I was getting fevers and was in great pain. My mom finally brought me to a local orthopedist so he could check me out. For quite some time, he just said, 'Ah she is a whiny girl trying to avoid school and sports — typical.' One day my mom had enough and almost yeeted the guy across the room and demanded an X-ray scan. Turns out, it was cancer eating my bone away. He only said, 'Oh, sorry, I didn't know.'"

—u/An3xi3

6."I went to the doctor with fatigue, nausea, and abdominal pain. He insisted I get a pregnancy test before proceeding with diagnosis, despite me telling him I had not had sex in a year. Sent me to get labs done, and asked me to come back in a month if the problem persisted. Came back a month later, took some more lab tests, same message. After a year, the lab tech pulled me aside and asked if I was okay because this was my 11th pregnancy test in a year. The doctor had just refused to try anything else and pregnancy tested me without telling me. Switched to a female doctor, and promptly received a PCOS diagnosis."

Svetlana Repnitskaya / Getty Images

7."I saw a male doctor in the ER when I went in due to the worst headache of my life. He was annoyed at doing a 'migraine workup' even though I said I'd had an untreated aneurysm. Turned out, I was in an active brain bleed. I was disoriented and incoherent within an hour."

—u/KingMichaelsConsort

8."I was having a stroke. The doctor wanted to put me in observation. I had to advocate for my admission while I was also missing a lot of words and knew something was wrong. I ended up asking my husband to square it away. As soon as he stepped forward, the doctor backed down, and had me admitted. I was in the hospital for five days."

—u/Popcorn_Blitz

9."I was in labor with my first and had an epidural. I told the nurse that I could still feel pain, and she told me I was confusing it with pressure. Went through delivery with forceps, and she kept telling me to stop screaming, and that I was being hysterical. I needed stitches and felt every single one. Come to find out the epi tube wasn't taped down properly and had fallen out."

—u/ariesgal2

10."I showed up with extreme pain in my hip, causing me to have issues walking and needing to walk with a cane. The male doctor looked at me and said, 'Periods, right?' performed zero examinations, and sent me on my way with the instructions to use a heating pad and take some ibuprofen which I am extremely allergic to and is marked on my chart that if I take it, I will immediately begin to die."

"I went to a female doctor, and she was very concerned and helped me navigate the million referrals needed to land on the actual diagnosis, which was arthritis in my back that led to the nerve damage that was causing my pain."

—u/KnittinAndBitchin

11."I suddenly lost hearing one morning in my right ear at university when I was 20. I went to university health services and was told it was a cold. It didn't clear up after a week, and I went back. 'It may take a few months, you have small tubes.' It didn't clear up in a few months, went to my family's primary care physician. 'It's just a cold. If you lose some weight, it'll clear up faster.' I don't know where this woman got her medical degree. This continued for three years until my new PCP suggested I see an ear, nose, and throat specialist. The ENT sees me and says, 'You have sudden deafness. You should have gotten steroids the first time you noticed this three years ago. I can't do anything else.' WHAT? 'We'll do an MRI just in case.' Turns out, everyone was wrong. I have a brain tumor! It took me three years to get diagnosed because everyone was so incompetent."

—u/TheJostler

12."The sad thing is that it's not just one big memorable case that happened once but so, so many little moments from way too many doctors (including female doctors). Starting with horrible period pains not being taken seriously for over a decade, because it's normal for girls to endure pain so bad you pass out from it once a month. I also suffer from excruciating chronic pain (nerves, joints, muscles, inflammation), and I kept hearing things like, 'Just go home and drink a glass of wine. That'll help with the pain.' Spoiler: It did not. 'How about you get pregnant? The hormones might fix you.' If you cry, your problems are mental. If you don't cry, it can't be that bad. It's especially frustrating when your illness is all over your body and in large parts invisible (or not detectable with the usual exams) because then, it's really hard as a patient to stand your ground."

Thomas Barwick / Getty Images

13."I got told I 'couldn't have a concussion' because my 'hair was too thick' after I got slammed into a cinderblock wall. When I went to the ER two days later, they found I'd had a minor brain bleed."

—u/dharmoniedeux

14."I had a C-section in June. I popped a stitch or two in the shower, and my incision ripped halfway opened. My doctor came in the next morning with plans to discharge me. I tried explaining to him that my incision was ripped open, and he insisted that it was normal for that to happen sometimes. My husband had to jump in, and my doctor finally took it seriously. This doctor also delivered my youngest a month early, without my full consent when I felt like she could've baked in me for a little bit longer. Thankfully, I'm done having children so I won't have to deal with seeing him anymore."

—u/Classic-Giraffe-3812

15."I went to my general practitioner and told her I was having severe anxiety (postpartum). She told me that's normal and to get more sleep and drink some tea. Six years later, things are way worse. I changed GPs, and she got me assessed right away, bam: panic disorder. I had been making it worse by trying to white-knuckle through it."

—u/ticklewhales

Have you ever had a similar experience? If so, share your story with me in the comments below.

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3 Questions To Help Residents Find A Primary Care Physician

There are many reasons that older adults may be looking for a new primary care practitioner. Perhaps they are unhappy with their current doctor. Maybe they recently moved or switched to a new insurance plan, or there's the possibility that their PCP is retiring.

Whatever the reason, choosing a new PCP is an important decision, especially for adults aged 65 or more year — and, in the case of older adults, for the administrators, case workers and other key staff at senior living communities and adult living facilities, it's imperative that they can help residents keep a sense of independence while improving the quality of their everyday lives.

As a primary care physician and someone with many family members who are older, I'm often asked what people should think about when it comes to primary care. Here are three important questions older adults and their loved ones should consider when beginning the search:

1. What matters most?

The first step in choosing a new PCP is to think about what matters to the resident or patient, because it can vary from person to person. Primary care is personal, and everyone deserves a PCP who is guided by the person's own values and preferences. What are their health goals? What barriers do they face? Is their current care and treatment helpful? Are any parts burdensome to them?

It may sound simple, but reminding residents and their loved ones that they should make decisions based on what matters most to them is a critical place to start when looking for a new PCP.

2. How do they prefer to use primary care or specialists?

Many older adults are managing multiple chronic conditions, such as hypertension, diabetes or arthritis, so it's important to think about what role they would like their PCP to play in taking care of all their conditions. Do they prefer a PCP who wants to care for all of their needs directly, or do they prefer a PCP who likes to refer them to specialists? 

Different primary care providers offer different levels of care. Some PCPs take a more hands-on approach and see their role as bringing care together and, as such, they are heavily involved in important decisions such as managing daily medications or chronic conditions, even when those treatments were originally prescribed by specialists. They also may think about a patient's social and emotional health, providing suggestions to improve their overall well-being.

Other PCPs take a different approach, limiting interactions to annual check-ups or sick visits, seeing patients less frequently throughout the year, and letting specialists take the lead in care with less involvement. Each patient should think about their preference and find a PCP that matches their choice.

3. How and where do they want to receive care?

Most older adults have preferences in how and where they want to access their PCP. For example, they might prefer office visits, telemedicine or maybe even home visits. Or there's the possibility that they like a mix of one or two ways in which they receive care.

Each option comes with its own set of benefits. For example, at a recent home visit, we noticed that our patient's walker was causing shoulder pain, which made it difficult for her to get around. We were able to make a simple adjustment that solved the issue, but this couldn't have been made without seeing the patient in her home environment. For patients who prefer virtual visits, there are many easy tools and technologies that make it possible for examinations to happen through a computer screen and to communicate with a PCP.

When thinking about how and where patients want to receive their care, choose one or a mix of options based on their preference. If they prefer to avoid a crowded office, then perhaps a mix of at-home visits and virtual care is right for them.

For care providers with patients at senior living communities, collaborating with loved ones is especially important. So understanding how their PCP will help with care coordination and communication is critical. Good primary care should make it easy for others to join in visits and medical decisions, allowing them to take an active role and actually be a member of the patient's care team.

Moving forward: Choosing a PCP

What guidance can you share with the older adults in your community or facility?

Start off by reminding seniors to ask the people they trust — senior living community staff members, friends, family, trusted specialists and their insurance provider — if they know a PCP who matches what they're looking for. For example, "I am looking for a PCP who is willing to respect my preferences and is ready to help me take charge of all of my specialty care."

Once they have a referral, make sure that they're asking the PCP (or their care  team) questions to help determine whether they align with the aforementioned questions. For example, "Does Dr. X usually make referrals for diabetes, or does she manage most diabetics herself?"

By helping older adults understand how to evaluate their needs and how to find providers that align with them, you can help improve their quality of care — and their quality of life as they age.

Neil Patel, MD, is chief health officer of Patina Health, a relationship-centered primary care provider dedicated to improving the healthcare and aging experience for people 65 and older.

The opinions expressed in each McKnight's Senior Living marketplace column are those of the author and are not necessarily those of McKnight's Senior Living.

Have a column idea? See our submission guidelines here.

When Looking For A Primary Care Provider, What Matters Most?

Nov. 17, 2023 3:49 AM PT

We all prefer to be treated with compassion, dignity and understanding. If choosing between these options seems difficult, then Providence might be the best option, offering the best of all health worlds combined with award-winning care.

With 11 hospitals and more than 100 outpatient locations across Southern California, Providence provides comprehensive, easily accessible and convenient care when and how our patients want to receive it. That said, Providence family physician Daniel Kim, M.D., who has practiced for 23 years at Providence St. Jude Heritage Medical Group in Fullerton, states the secret to finding a good provider is actually pretty simple. Find one who provides excellent clinical care, with compassion and empathy.

"Giving excellent, quality care – it's at the heart of everything that Providence doctors do," said Dr. Kim.

Providence's reach is impressive with a network of more than 8,500 physicians stretching from the High Desert, across Los Angeles and to South Orange County. However, it's the philosophy of patient-centered care that makes Providence providers and hospitals consistently ranked among California's best.

Founded over 160 years ago and steadfast in its mission to serve the poor and vulnerable, Providence also is focused on providing the kind of care patients want, from urgent care to telehealth to technology-enhanced tools, including the Providence app. And while it may seem counterintuitive, Dr. Kim says the use of these technologies has increased Providence's ability to provide personal care, rather than create anonymity, especially with senior patients.

"By leveraging technology, it helps us take care of the 80% of patients who are comfortable using technology for their healthcare needs. This frees me up to give more personal attention to patients who need or prefer in-person care," Dr. Kim said.

This personal touch is central to Providence's goal of improving a patient's wellness, whether they are just beginning their health journey or are first-time users of Medicare Advantage. Providing primary care for a Medicare Advantage plan member offers clear advantages over many health systems given its reach and depth.

Furthermore, Dr. Kim says that a Providence primary care physician can serve as a "health concierge" to help new patients navigate a sometimes-confusing landscape of care. And because Medicare's and Providence's goals are aligned – centered on patient wellness – the first appointment with a Providence doctor will help take the guesswork out of short- and long-term health goals. "We'll focus on how to be healthier and show you what people are eligible for," Dr. Kim said.

Many of us neglected wellness care in the past few years as the COVID-19 pandemic kept us at home. For many recent Medicare recipients, the focus was more on serious and immediate health matters than choosing a primary care provider who was the perfect fit. With the pandemic waning and vaccination rates increasing, options for care are more varied and accessible. It's an excellent time to reevaluate your health plan coverage, including your network of care (doctors and hospitals).

"Some people feel a Medicare Advantage plan limits their healthcare choices. But by choosing a primary care doctor in our group, you have all the resources of Providence available to you, so our doctors can provide everything you need within our network," said Dr. Kim, who summarized Providence's role as both a patient care-focused and health coverage leader when coupled with a Medicare Advantage plan.

"Everybody's been overwhelmed since the start of the pandemic – physicians and patients alike. At the end of the day, I can choose to go home, or I can choose to respond to every patient and take care of all of them. I think every doctor here, without exception, would do the latter – I think that's reflective of the way you can expect to be treated by any doctor at Providence."

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